Thursday, July 21, 2011
my writings
The more you look for love
The more you’ll have nothing
Ignore it
And you’ll find something
Why love comes
When heart is longing
Why not come
When heart is empty
YOU PUT ME DOWN
AND MAKE ME SAD
YOU HATE AND HURT ME
AND MAKE ME CRY
YOU AND THE PAIN IS INSIDE
I AM NOTHING FOR YOU
WISH THAT YOU’RE ALSO IN LOVE WITH ME
WISH THAT YOU ALSO CARE FOR ME
WISH THAT YOU ALSO SPEND YOUR LIFE WITH ME
DON’T SAY A WORD
DON’T TELL YOU’RE SORRY
I’VE SAID IT
I’M OKAY
DON’T TALK TO ME
DON’T COME TO ME
I DON’T CARE
I’M OKAY
The war is now to explode
But I still don’t have Mr. Right
If life is having had Mr. Wrong
I want war to explode now
LOVE AND TRUST
At first, all I knew was your name,
Then I had the chance to know you better,
As time passed by, we became friends,
And we became very close to the extent of sharing each other’s secret
Once I felt as if the world turned down on me
I thought I don’t have anyone to turn to
But it came out that you were there at my side,
Ready to lend a shoulder to cry on
Whenever I needed you,
You were always there
Whatever trouble and problem
You were always willing to help me
But as they always say, everything comes to an end,
So as with our closeness and friendship
I least expected this to happen
But is there anything I could do
It was just a little misunderstanding that ruined it all
And pride prevented us both to patch up the crack
We used to have great trust for each other
But I wonder where did trust go?
Foolish hearts
Play a childish game
Why not meet halfway
And start all over again
Why pretend
Why deny
Why not just do what our hearts say
And say what our hearts dictate
Why do childish things
We don’t even know yet where we’re going
Aren’t we tired of this crazy game
We’re just making ourselves fools
Come what may
Let time tells
Let’s try to live without our conscience
And be free like a bird as you wanted to be.
2-13-93
Hey! Losing you is painful
And truly our friendship is the best of life’s gift on me
But jealousy seems to end it all
I’m hurt when he’s in you
I’m hurt when you’re in him
My sky is overcast and gray,
And the clouds hide the sun all day
When I think of you … and the memories …
Specially when I feel the burden load …
I only have one wish
Just love …when I’m already strong enough to accept
That you’re meant to be one … for once … or for the rest of your lives
THE COLOR OF LOVE FOR A PERSON LIKE ME
(April 10, 1987)
Now I realize
Love does not see its true color
It inspires but it also hurts
It brings joy but it also brings grief
It lifts but it also destroys
Before, I thought
Love reigns purely because of love
But I was wrong
I see, I feel
Pain, tears, and grief is the counterpart of caring, loving, and reaching for a person like me
Who may never experience
How beautiful love is
I don’t know why it’s hard for me to accept that I still like you
Maybe I guess I know that love is just like a crazy play on you
I almost forgot that I am still a person … with pride, dignity and principle
Also gifted with wisdom and not only with the heart that always makes me weak
I forgot that I also have to love myself before caring for others … that I also have to be strong for once and or for once in a while
I have given you my whole world once and that was enough
The world didn’t shed even a tear for me instead they laughed at me
And through that I realized that there’s still a lot in store for me … that there’s still life without you
Though I’m not saying that you’re already nothing to me
Co’z I treasure everything that becomes a part of me
And I think that we also have build something out of our crazy mind
Though it’s also hard for me to let you go but what can I do
I think that because of you …I’ve really learned now my lesson well …
That a man can tell and show not only a thousand but also a million lies!
When no one hears you
And others are blind
You’ll feel a beat
And you’ll be weak
When no one hears you
And others are blind
Just listen to yourself
And you’ll know yourself
When no one hears you
And others are blind
Don’t drop even a tear
Time heals
When no one hears you
And others are blind
Put yourself inside a box
Be strong
When no one hears you
And others are blind
You can’t hear, can’t see anything …
Just yourself
When no one hears you
And others are blind
if you can’t hear, if you can’t see
Go into the wind
Speak in silence
When no one hears you
And others are blind
Hold on
There is no other way but to the top
I was happy
I felt I have everything
But when I grew up
That everything became nothing
I was happy
I learned how to be in love
But love was so selfish
All I had was pain and tears
Now I feel I’m all alone
But I am happy
At least I had everything
In pain and tears
I should have had everything
But everything seems to be nothing
What’s life without a companion
Better to be and have nothing
I should have had everything
He takes what I have opted
As if he takes the all of me
I don’t want to have everything
All I get is nothing
I want to be nothing
If it means having everything
I’m sorry I don’t know who I am
Everything seems to be nothing
And nothing seems to be everything
How I wish I have all the things
The more you’ll have nothing
Ignore it
And you’ll find something
Why love comes
When heart is longing
Why not come
When heart is empty
YOU PUT ME DOWN
AND MAKE ME SAD
YOU HATE AND HURT ME
AND MAKE ME CRY
YOU AND THE PAIN IS INSIDE
I AM NOTHING FOR YOU
WISH THAT YOU’RE ALSO IN LOVE WITH ME
WISH THAT YOU ALSO CARE FOR ME
WISH THAT YOU ALSO SPEND YOUR LIFE WITH ME
DON’T SAY A WORD
DON’T TELL YOU’RE SORRY
I’VE SAID IT
I’M OKAY
DON’T TALK TO ME
DON’T COME TO ME
I DON’T CARE
I’M OKAY
The war is now to explode
But I still don’t have Mr. Right
If life is having had Mr. Wrong
I want war to explode now
LOVE AND TRUST
At first, all I knew was your name,
Then I had the chance to know you better,
As time passed by, we became friends,
And we became very close to the extent of sharing each other’s secret
Once I felt as if the world turned down on me
I thought I don’t have anyone to turn to
But it came out that you were there at my side,
Ready to lend a shoulder to cry on
Whenever I needed you,
You were always there
Whatever trouble and problem
You were always willing to help me
But as they always say, everything comes to an end,
So as with our closeness and friendship
I least expected this to happen
But is there anything I could do
It was just a little misunderstanding that ruined it all
And pride prevented us both to patch up the crack
We used to have great trust for each other
But I wonder where did trust go?
Foolish hearts
Play a childish game
Why not meet halfway
And start all over again
Why pretend
Why deny
Why not just do what our hearts say
And say what our hearts dictate
Why do childish things
We don’t even know yet where we’re going
Aren’t we tired of this crazy game
We’re just making ourselves fools
Come what may
Let time tells
Let’s try to live without our conscience
And be free like a bird as you wanted to be.
2-13-93
Hey! Losing you is painful
And truly our friendship is the best of life’s gift on me
But jealousy seems to end it all
I’m hurt when he’s in you
I’m hurt when you’re in him
My sky is overcast and gray,
And the clouds hide the sun all day
When I think of you … and the memories …
Specially when I feel the burden load …
I only have one wish
Just love …when I’m already strong enough to accept
That you’re meant to be one … for once … or for the rest of your lives
THE COLOR OF LOVE FOR A PERSON LIKE ME
(April 10, 1987)
Now I realize
Love does not see its true color
It inspires but it also hurts
It brings joy but it also brings grief
It lifts but it also destroys
Before, I thought
Love reigns purely because of love
But I was wrong
I see, I feel
Pain, tears, and grief is the counterpart of caring, loving, and reaching for a person like me
Who may never experience
How beautiful love is
I don’t know why it’s hard for me to accept that I still like you
Maybe I guess I know that love is just like a crazy play on you
I almost forgot that I am still a person … with pride, dignity and principle
Also gifted with wisdom and not only with the heart that always makes me weak
I forgot that I also have to love myself before caring for others … that I also have to be strong for once and or for once in a while
I have given you my whole world once and that was enough
The world didn’t shed even a tear for me instead they laughed at me
And through that I realized that there’s still a lot in store for me … that there’s still life without you
Though I’m not saying that you’re already nothing to me
Co’z I treasure everything that becomes a part of me
And I think that we also have build something out of our crazy mind
Though it’s also hard for me to let you go but what can I do
I think that because of you …I’ve really learned now my lesson well …
That a man can tell and show not only a thousand but also a million lies!
When no one hears you
And others are blind
You’ll feel a beat
And you’ll be weak
When no one hears you
And others are blind
Just listen to yourself
And you’ll know yourself
When no one hears you
And others are blind
Don’t drop even a tear
Time heals
When no one hears you
And others are blind
Put yourself inside a box
Be strong
When no one hears you
And others are blind
You can’t hear, can’t see anything …
Just yourself
When no one hears you
And others are blind
if you can’t hear, if you can’t see
Go into the wind
Speak in silence
When no one hears you
And others are blind
Hold on
There is no other way but to the top
I was happy
I felt I have everything
But when I grew up
That everything became nothing
I was happy
I learned how to be in love
But love was so selfish
All I had was pain and tears
Now I feel I’m all alone
But I am happy
At least I had everything
In pain and tears
I should have had everything
But everything seems to be nothing
What’s life without a companion
Better to be and have nothing
I should have had everything
He takes what I have opted
As if he takes the all of me
I don’t want to have everything
All I get is nothing
I want to be nothing
If it means having everything
I’m sorry I don’t know who I am
Everything seems to be nothing
And nothing seems to be everything
How I wish I have all the things
today...
There’s one guy I didn’t mention in my story. And I don’t know why I don’t want to mention him in my story. All i know is that i treasured all the things he gave me. And i don't know what i feel for him.... He told me he was tired of pleasing me.....
Today, my life has still no ending…. the beginning of my end is about to start…. It might be now….it might be because of you……..
Today, my life has still no ending…. the beginning of my end is about to start…. It might be now….it might be because of you……..
tondo...
I also worked at Mary Johnston Hospital, Manila. This was a “nightmare”.
While working in Mary Johnston, I rented a room in P. Campa. I was so free. Guys come and go for sex. Because I had friends living in Tondo, I’ve experienced the Tondo life also. I had a drinking buddy named Mark Chua. A very gentleman and giving. When I got drunk and fell asleep, he would wait until I woke up. When he and his family left for States, I was lost.
After I resigned to Mary Johnston, unfortunately my parents left for States again. My parents just left me one thousand pesos. My friends Emmanuel Torres and Nica stood by me when I was down. I sold the goods left by mom. I sold anything that can be bought for me and for my nephew to survive. I indulged myself into cybersex. But soon after my friend, Jay Ocampo hired me to their company.
While working in Mary Johnston, I rented a room in P. Campa. I was so free. Guys come and go for sex. Because I had friends living in Tondo, I’ve experienced the Tondo life also. I had a drinking buddy named Mark Chua. A very gentleman and giving. When I got drunk and fell asleep, he would wait until I woke up. When he and his family left for States, I was lost.
After I resigned to Mary Johnston, unfortunately my parents left for States again. My parents just left me one thousand pesos. My friends Emmanuel Torres and Nica stood by me when I was down. I sold the goods left by mom. I sold anything that can be bought for me and for my nephew to survive. I indulged myself into cybersex. But soon after my friend, Jay Ocampo hired me to their company.
auf...
I worked at Angeles University Foundation Medical Center, Pampanga. I was forced to resign because of absentism and late. I had a patient named Jorem Marasigan with a renal failure. I lived with him and his family for about a year. Things just happened so fast then. It was very controversial yet so vague.
My parents left for States before I had my forced resignation. I was then with the agency sending Filipino nurses to U.S.A. I told them that I had to resign to concentrate on my review for NCLEX. So, they send me money and I have finished the review but I didn’t pass the final exam so I could take the NCLEX for free. I was just granted half of expenses for the exam. I had a boyfriend then who lived in a resettlement area in Bulaon, Pampanga. One of my boyfriend’s cousin stole a hundred dollars from me granted to me by the agency. That money didn’t come back to me. The culprit said that he had spend the money already. The family asked me to spare their relative and so I did. I needed that money so badly for I didn’t have a job then that’s why I was so mad at that person but nothing I could do. When our relationship was rocky, one of my boyfriend’s cousin named Jopeng came to the rescue. He filled up what had to be filled by my boyfriend. We kept drinking. He often kissed me. We slept together. One time he asked me to be at their family reunion and so I did.
My parents left for States before I had my forced resignation. I was then with the agency sending Filipino nurses to U.S.A. I told them that I had to resign to concentrate on my review for NCLEX. So, they send me money and I have finished the review but I didn’t pass the final exam so I could take the NCLEX for free. I was just granted half of expenses for the exam. I had a boyfriend then who lived in a resettlement area in Bulaon, Pampanga. One of my boyfriend’s cousin stole a hundred dollars from me granted to me by the agency. That money didn’t come back to me. The culprit said that he had spend the money already. The family asked me to spare their relative and so I did. I needed that money so badly for I didn’t have a job then that’s why I was so mad at that person but nothing I could do. When our relationship was rocky, one of my boyfriend’s cousin named Jopeng came to the rescue. He filled up what had to be filled by my boyfriend. We kept drinking. He often kissed me. We slept together. One time he asked me to be at their family reunion and so I did.
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